


The soul

by Fantaewoontasy



Category: SF9 (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-08-28 16:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16726755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fantaewoontasy/pseuds/Fantaewoontasy
Summary: "ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜʟ."





	1. Chapter 1

Teaser:

**"ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ ᴅᴏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ʟɪᴋᴇ."**

**ɴᴏ ɪᴛ ᴡᴀs ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ.**

**ᴛʜᴇʏ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴀᴄᴛᴇᴅ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ.**

**ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴍɪɢʜᴛ ʜᴀᴅ ʟᴀᴜɢʜᴇᴅ,ᴄʀɪᴇᴅ,ᴇᴀᴛᴇɴ,sʟᴇᴘᴛ ᴏʀ ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ.**

**ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴛᴀᴜɢʜᴛ ᴛᴏ sʜᴏᴡ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴡᴇʀᴇ.**

**ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴀᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʜᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴡᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ.**

**ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴡ ɪ'ᴠᴇ ɪɴᴠᴏʟᴠᴇᴅ ᴀ ɢᴀᴍᴇ.**

**ᴡʜɪᴄʜ ɪs ᴘʀᴏʙᴀʙʟʏ ᴄᴏsᴛs ᴍʏ ʟɪғᴇ.**

**ʙᴜᴛ ɪ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ɴᴏ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ.**

**sɪɴᴄᴇ-**

_**"ɪ ᴄᴀɴ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇ sᴏᴜʟ."** _

 ~~

Rotae and jaeseong are my ships♡

~Just because my path is different doesn't mean I'm wrong~


	2. What monster Am I now?

I open my eyes slowly.

Where I was?Oh..I remembered.

I've been getting hit before I pass out.

I held my hands as my shelter when he started hitting my again.

it's been always like this.I deserved it.

I should have died with my parents, As everyone around me used to tell me.

"You piece of trash.You dare to defend yourself?"

My hair was grabbed.I felt so much pain but I kept quiet.

Everything would be fine..

**_ what could get worse than that? _ **

****

** ** **

I feel blood runs over my cheeks.

I still haven't gotten up.

I just wait to see how much more the blood that's in my mouth going to wet my chin and cheeks.

I should get up.He gets Angry if he doesn't eat his food at the time.

I sit on the floor with having so much effort.

I rub my eyes sleepy and then look at my bloody hands.

I've been having nosebleeding before but this time was an exception.

the blood wasn't mine.

_** It was my uncle's. ** _

I stared at hid body which was in front of me.

I wasn't affraid I was just..regret.

_ Why didn't I do that before? _

I stood up.How I killed him wasn't important.

I was frustrated anyway.

That old man should've died sooner.

before I leave the house I took a look at him.

I couldn't see the real him anymore.

I couldn't see the jerk soul of him in front of my eyes anymore.

I strated walking in the dark and cold streets.

What could I do?

What a monster could do?

**

How much should I go?

Why don't I reach to the end?

I stop as my feet don't feel anything.I've been walking about 4 hours.

I'm exhausted.I just wanna give up.

I look at the sky.

**_ If I fall now..Is there anyone to hold me? _ **

__

It's not important anymore.

Let me drown in darkness.

**

I open my eyes as I feel someone's breathing on my skin.

Everything's blurry.

Maybe I cried..

_ I don't Remember. _

I should work on my memory later.I keep forgetting things more and more these days.

I breath out and turn my head to see a sleeping boy beside me.

A Navy blue haired guy's beside me..Topeless.

I can see his muscular body but why..

Am I laying next to him?

I shiver as I feel cold.

Why Am I not wearing anything?

Have I slept with him?

I don't remember.

I'm not shocked.I don't have enough energy to be shocked.

He opens his eyes and looks at me.

I wouldn't like to see my own face for the first thing in the morning but why does he?

"Did you sleep well?"He asks and starts petting my hair.

He seems to be a nice guy but I don't know him and surely he doesn't  either and well..He slept with me so actually he's not a nice guy.

"I slept well."I nodded and kept looking at the blanket.

I don't wanna make an eye contact with him.

"Taehyung-ah?"He calls..me?

Who's taehyung?

I looked at him confused.

"Who are you?"

I'm not interested in knowing who was taehyung.

All I wanted to know was Who he was.

"Don't Play with me you idiot."

As he slapped me I understood that..

he was just acting nicely like others.

I turned my head and wiped the blood which was at the corner of my lips.

"You better just get the fuck out of here before I break your legs."He gets up.

I'm too tired to even think.why does he expect so much from me?

I get up as well and wear my clothes after he leaves the room.

Evreything's spinning around my head.

I leave the room by putting my hand on the wall to avoid falling.

what was that big house?

He must be so rich..

I continue looking at the pictures on the wall and suddenly bump into someone.

I almost fall but he holds me.

I look at him.

oh..He's handsome..

But he has a dead black eyes.

He looks at me coldly but..His soul is..just..

**_ A little kid? _ **

__

I saw many people with different souls but this guy..is different.I feel it.

I realize that I forgot to see that navy blue haired guy's soul.

How did I forget?

I put my hands on his hands and make him to let go of me.

I don't like the way that he's staring at me.

it's like I killed someone-

I actually did kill someone but He doesn't know that and he doesn't have the right to judge me without knowing that.

His soul is suffering me.

That little kid is leaving scratches on his own skin with a knife in his hands.

I hold my hands up aimlessly.

but I..put them on the guy's cheeks.

as I look carefully..

His eyes look like that navy blue haired guy's eyes.

are they brothers?

He push my hands away and without caring about me he leaves.

I would be suprised if he hadn't gone that.

I turn my head and continue my way.

where i am?I still have no idea.

I keep walking and walking but there is no end.

I shiver more and more.

I feel like I'm dying.

but Am I really?

"Hey~"

I look up to see a cheerful guy's standing in front of me.

"are you ok?"he asks and put his hand on my forehead.

_ is he pretending too? _

__

I look at his soul.

He was himself..with that cheerful smile..

he was really doing what he wanted to do.

That was the real him.

I wanna sleep.I don't feel good but does he understand that?

Maybe I should give up on him too-

"You're burning."His smile disappears.

_** he doesn't ask me who I am. ** _

_**** _

_** He doesn't look at my misfortune. ** _

_**** _

_** Does he really care about my condition? ** _

_ it feels strange.. _

__

_I still haven't take_ n my eyes from him.

he has no special thing except his foxy eyes.

he seems cold and harsh but he acts like he cares about me..

unlike the others he doesn't just act.

He really was..kind and I..was..thankful..

I tried to pass by but he stopped me by holding my wrist.

I wish he didn't.

when he dragged me toward himself my body lost sensation and I passed out.

**_ I wish I just could talk to him more.. _ **

 


	3. He's not like me

 

"He's weak and I need you to buy these things.Can you do it?"

I open my eyes as I hear someone is speaking beside me while Patting my shoulder.

_ I know his voice. _

He notices me and comes closer.

"You're awake!!finally!!"

I try to get up but he holds my shoulders.

"you need to rest."

"why do you..care?"I ask.

I always wanted to know that what being loved means.

But now..

I hate it too.

I don't want anyone to care.

_** I don't want to feel affraid to lose whom I love. ** _

__

"Because jaeyoon just played with you."He says with no expression on his face.

jaeyoon?

he means the Navy blue haired guy?

"He plays with everyone."He looked at my blanket and I understood that..he loves that jaeyoon guy.

Does jaeyoon deserve to be loved by this foxy eyes boy?

"By the way I hope you feel better now.I'm inseong."he smiles.

inseong..

"I'm..taeyang."I hum and start to play with my blanket.

"Cute."

What did he say?

What cute?

"You're so cute you know?Taeyang-ah~"He pets my hair and makes me blush.

I should't have blushed because of a guy.

I really didn't know what had I done to be treated like this.

I haven't done anything to him so why..

Why did he Treat me nicely?

his phone rings and makes him to get up to answer the phone.

I stare at him.

I wanna hold him..

I don't want him to leave but..he does before I can do anything.

I stand up and try so hard to keep standing on my feet.

it's hard to be tough.

It's so hard to act like you're tough although you're alone.

although no one cares.

I wanna die as I feel cold on my skin.

I don't feel good at all but..

I don't have the courage to die.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid of the moment when I see my parents.

I'm afraid to be left by my parents as well.

I'm afraid to be lonelier than I am now.

I leave the hospital while hiding my face with the hat on my hoodie.

I'll just be going.

I'll-

**_ Disappear. _ **

**

3 hours.

4 hours.

5..6..7 hours..

isn't it enough?

I sit on the wet ground and lean to the wall.

it's dark here..I'm not scared 'cause I have nothing to lose.

I think again.

how did I reach there?

I had a good life..then why..

Why did it all ruined?

** [flash back]: **

"eomma~~ stop it!!"

I call her loudly while laughing at their childish argument.

they're arguing as they always do.

I spin the keys of the house in my hand.

"I'll be going now~"

I shout and put some hot pancakes in my mouth while living the house.

I wonder if I turned the gaslight on or not but didn't care so much and left the house.

I had to go to the library sooner than usual but I didn't know what happened that I couldn't move anymore.

maybe a loud voice like..

_ Explosion? _

**

"there was an explosion after you left your house.Do you have any explanation?"

I'm being asked.

What should I answer?

Why am I in such a dark and cold room?

My parents know that I hate darkness.

_** so where are they to take me to somewhere else? ** _

__

"We had two victims."

Yeah.I forgot.

they weren't there to take me away.

_ I had lost them. _

"what I'm saying is that it's strange that you're still alive."

that interrogator..

was he asking me if I was the reason for the death of my parents?

I breath heavily.

they are not here any longer.

And that means I'm alone in this world.

I wanna yell.

I wanna punch the wall but..nothing will change.will it?

My eyes become dark and I pass out..

_** And no one understood How much disgust I felt about myself. ** _

** [The end of the flashback]: **

I open my eyes fast.

I'm on my feet.

I'm having someone's collar in my fist.

before I realize anything i pass out again and wake up again.

I don't know what's happening to me but I lean to the person which is in front of me weakly.

"Taehyung."

That name again.

I get mad.I don't want him to drive me crazy but without I want I yell at him.

"Don't fucking say my name!!"

I hold back but he hold my wrists.

Thats...jaeyoon.

What I do in front of him?

His soul..

He's laughing crazily.

his mouth..has filled with blood but he's still laughing.

he's on my nerve.

I try to go back but he holds me tighter.

his soul's driving me crazy.

he's just like his brother.They're suffering.

I don't know from what and it doesn't care at the other side.

"LET GO.I SAID LET GO-"

I become quiet as his strong fist lands on my face and make my head to turn to the other side.

I don't try anymore.

the door of the room opens and I can feel he lets go of me suddenly.

"Yo little seokwoo."he walks toward the one who's stood in the doorway.

his..brother?

I look at them.

the way that seokwoo has stared at me..

I would care if I had done anything wrong.

I walk toward them but before leaving the room I slap jaeyoon and pass by.

I can tell I make them shocked.

I slapped him without I want it myself but well..

I wasn't regreted.

I didn't want to be called taehyung.

I wasn't the one who he was calling.

I didn't want to see their soul.

I wanted to remember.

What had I done before?How did he know me?

"Tae..yang?"

I stop when I'm being called.

Who know my name except..inseong?

"Why did you run away so suddenly?You know how much I was worried??"He asks and checks my face and then my body.

he was..worried?

What does that mean?He doesn't even love me and doesn't know about me except my name.

I push his hands away.

I slept with his love.I don't think I've done it just once..even if I don't remember.

what should I tell him?

Does he hate me just like others?

does he look at me as a slut after I tell him?

"I slept with him."I whispered but loud enough for him to hear.

he stares at me with no reaction.

did he know it?

"I don't remember why but I did it."I say it once again.

and still he has no expression on his face.

I hear the footsteps getting close and closer to us.

but why..

why doesn't inseong say anything?

Why doesn't he just remind me that I'm the worst guy he's ever seen?

He leans closer and  puts his lips on mine.

I..don't know how many times I've been kissed by guys.

I don't remember anything but I surely did.

Do I deserve to kiss him back or not?

**_ He's just using me after all. _ **

I'm not stupid at all.

jaeyoon and seokwoo are standing behind me.

I'm sure inseong just did it to make jaeyoon jealous.

I suppose not to feel anything but-

_** My heart hurts. ** _

 


	4. It was sweet at first

__

I was fooled.

I thought I was cared just once but now..

I feel heartbroken.

I was being used.I was being used by inseong.

the guy who cared about me even if it was just acting.

I put my hand on his chest and push him away.

"Thank you for taking care of me that time and I'm..sorry for running away."I bowed and hummed slowly and walked away.

I never knew it would hurt this much.

I put my fist on my heart and pushed my fist against it.

I run.

I'm not gonna stop 'cause I don't wanna see them again.

Why are they playing with me?

Why are they using me?

Am I that easy to be used?

I suddenly laugh.

I laugh to hide my misfortune.

I laugh not to make my tears fall.

I don't let them.

I never cried.

Not even when my parents died.

Not even when I understood that I was put away.

It was all sweet at first.

_ the world made me believe that I had everything and then took everything from me. _

_ I'm alone in the darkness. _

__

_ Who's gonna save me now? _

__

**

** [Flashback]: **

"He's here to take you."

I look at my uncle to see his cold eyes.

He was looking at me like others.

he was thinking that I'm the one who killed my parents.

He walks toward me and holds my wrist and makes me to stand up.

my wrist hirts but I don't say anything against his harshness.

"Thank you for taking him here."He bows to the officers and they just nod.

He was mad.

I could feel it from the way that he had held my wrist.

he was tightening his fingers around my wrist as much as he wanted.

He dragged me out of there with him.

I didn't want to go with him.

He wants to take revenge from me.

I feel it.

I feel like it wasn't going to end well.

**

It hurts.

I wanna die and will probably do.

there's no hope to stay alive while getting kicked under his belt.

he stops when he gets tired.

he steps backwards and sits on his old couch.

I breath heavily.

My hair's spread on my face and goes up and down when I breath out fast.

It's been the second day of my entry and I already had no healthy part on my skin.

I wished to die every second of breathing.

there was when I understood that my parents weren't as kind as I thought.

they left me there.

They wanted me dead.right?

I'm shivering.

my body is cold and again..

_ No one noticed that. _

** [The end of flashback]: **

My shoulder has been grabbed by someone.

I feel dizzy.Everything's spinning again.

I hate to feel like that.

"YAH!"

I look at the guy who's calling my name annoyed.

_ Seokwoo? _

what's he doing here?

why has he held my shoulders?

"Why..are you.."

I see inseong behind him.

I never felt disgust after seeing him before but now..I do.

I want this feeling to end.

I hate to feel like this.

"You need to go somewhere with me."seokwoo says coldly.

more than looking at him I look at his soul.

the kid has changed.

he's crying now..his tears are coloured like blood.

He was..looking at me back.

I scared but didn't show any reaction.

"Let me satisfy him seokwoo."inseong steps forward.

Don't let him.

Don't let him talk to me.

seokwoo steps back and lets inseong comes closer.

"Taeyang."He calls my name.

I never hated my name but when he says it I wanna puke.

"taeyang-ah.."He holds my wrist but I push his hand away and turn to leave but when their guards stand in front of me I won't.

"hear me out."

"I wouldn't like."

"You must."

I become quiet.

He doesn't seem like he wants to excuse for what he had done.

why has he kept me?

"I need to talk to you."

I have nothing to tell him and even don't wanna hear what he says.

"Why should I listen?"I ask quietly.

He steps closer.

I don't like the short distance between us.

I don't like to see his foxy eyes.

they remind me of how fool I was.

"I say it 'cause I don't want seokwoo to kick you to death.You already know how harsh jaeyoon is,right?seokwoo is just like his brother."Inseong explains and I still..hates to hear those words.

Why does he care if seokwoo kicks me or not?

_ No one did care so far. _

**

I sit in his car and he sits beside me.

He was so rich.

I had no choice to accept and hear what he wanted to say.

Since we have no other subjects to talk about it's probably about jaeyoon.

"You're still mad that I used you,aren't you?"He asked without looking at me.

hah..

He got it now.

I don't answer.He turns his head and looks at me.

"You slept with him and the less thing I could do to show how angry I was,was kissing you."

so..

he was saying that he kissed me because he was angry?

what an idiot.

"But Of course.."

I stared at him.He didn't continue and just looked at the window.

"I just..couldn't be mad at you."

My heart stopped.

he wasn't mad at me..

yeah I slept with his beloved jaeyoon but why..

why wasn't he mad at me?

why was he doing this to me?

I feel guilty.

"And I want you to-"

"I never show up again."I whisper.

I guess he didn't like that I cut his sentence.

He grabs my shoulders and stared into my eyes.

I don't know what to do.

I wanna leave..

i don't wanna see him staring at me like that.

"Actually I want you to join the game."

_ Huh? _

"join?"I repeat what he says.

What game?Why should I?

Does he want to use me..again?

"Jaeyoon seems to like you.I saw the last time you yelled at him and his eyes.."

inseong was upset.

Why does he make me feel like this?

Why I feel like I wanna leave and never show up in front of him again?

"yeah.You just need to join the game and stay with seokwoo."

wait.

It's not what I want.

I don't wanna stay with him.He doesn't look at me the way inseong does.

seokwoo looks at me like others.He has no mercy in his eyes.even tho I've used to harshness but again..I hate it.

but I do it.

_ Just because inseong asks me to. _

 


	5. He's no different

after showering I changed my clothes into something better and nicer.

I have to wear sport clothes since seokwoo does.

I don't really like to wear like him but as I said I have to.

He doesn't talk to me and makes me think that I'm like garbage in his eyes.

"Are you ok tae?"

My shoulders being grabbed by inseong.

Is he worried?

"yes."I answer automatically and wonder why I don't have any control on my words.

He doesn't say anythibg anymore.

I feel like he wants to talk about my pale face but he just smiles and nods.

I'm glad that he doesn't ask and I don't need to tell him.

like I didn't have any problem.

"we'll be going hyung."seokwoo says coldly.

I hide behind inseong quietly.

I'm scared of him.seokwoo's too cold with me and it makes me uncomfortable.

"Okay.Taeyang?"He puts his hand on my head and pets my hair.

I close my eyes and keep my head down and wait for him to finish petting me.

I never had any hyung.

Maybe he had became my hyung?

"You'll be ok.I promise.just call me to take you if it got too hard."He hums and I just nod in reply.

He knows that I'm not comfortable around seokwoo.

I promised to call him if it got too hard but I won't.

I'll run away if it was hard.

like I always did.

I never dared to face my fears before so..I won't do it now either.

My wrist was pulled so suddenly and made me shocked.

I had a feeling like..warmness?

what could I call it?

I turned around to see the person which was in front of me.

_ How could I feel warmness when my wrist was in Seokwoo's hand? _

Easy.

I just need to pretend like I have nothing to say.

I have to act like him.right?

as selfish as him!

**

I wanna see him.

It's been two days that I was in seokwoo's house and I was really..depressed.

He never talked to me again.No one did!

and I didn't leave the room that he gave me.

because I didn't want to.

I didn't want to face him and he just ignores me.

Why did he even want to get a revenge from jaeyoon by using me?

Does jaeyoon love me?

What do I have that he loves me?

With the bang of the door I looked at seokwoo who was stading in the doorway.

What's he doing there?

Don't tell me he wants me to do something right?

"inseong's invited jaeyoon to have a dinner.we'll be attending."

Why..should I see them?Why should I ruin their date?

"Isn't it..rude?"I ask quietly and maybe make him mad.

He walks toward me and gets my wrist and makes me to get up.

"I'm not gonna repeat it again."He says coldly and I see madness in his gentle eyes.

the way that he's grabbed my wrist hurts.

I can't move my hand.His strengh scares me.

"I understood."I hum.

He lets go of my hand and I can breath again.

He turns and leave the room and leaves me wondered.

_ Why can't he be like inseong? _

Why have I gotten stuck with him after killing my uncle?

a jerk after another jerk.

What can happen if I kill seokwoo?

Will I be killed by inseing sooner than jaeyoon?

I change my clothes and wear sport clothes.

As seokwoo likes.

I leave the room and look for seokwoo.

his house is big enough to get lost in it so I won't be finding him soon.

My wrist started to itch.

I walked toward the door while itching my wrist.

My wrist had been bruised but I had no problem.

it wasn't the first time and probably wasn't going to be the last one.

After seokwoo is another jerk and another jerk after that.

My head hurts but I don't care.

Maybe that's why I lost my balance and fell  on the floor..

** [Flashback]: **

I was yelling.

I was moving as much as I could but it was all useless.

My wrists were pinned to the floor by my uncle.

what was he doing?

Was he just slapping me?No.

He was..

_ inside me. _

It was disgusting.

I wanted to throw up.

I was feeling like I'm dirty and I hoped that he would feel happy that I was feeling like that.

I was begging him to let go but he never did.

I yelled hopeless but There was no one to help me.

I was drowing in darkness and still..

_ There was no one to hold my hand. _

I forgot what happiness meant.

I forgot what being loved meant.

I lost myself.

What would happen if I could close my eyes?

I don't know if I passed out or fell sleep but my body lost sensation.

I wasn't myself anymore.

_'cause I didn't want to suffer again_.

** [The end of The Flashback]: **

** **

I open my eyes fast.

I feel warmness.

A familiar arm..

_Inseong_?

I gulp my saliva and stare at him quietly.

I feel there's someone else..

There was seokwoo behind inseong..

He was just standing there,staring at me coldly.

I know now..

I know what his stare means..

He was a coward.

I laugh and make inseong shake.

"T-Tae??"He calls my name but I don't want him.

I don't deserve it.

I'm dirty.

"He's..He's just a coward."I point at seokwoo and continue laughing.

I'd lost my mind.

I just..didn't want to suffer again..

living in peace wasn't impossible.

"Yoo taeyang.You finally lost your mind huh?"

I stopped laughing as I called myself without knowing.

I didn't understand anything anymore.

** [Inseong's pov]: **

****

I wonder..What might seokwoo had done with him that he acts like that.

but calling himself..

Something was wrong.

He stood up and scratched his arms and yawned.

"Ah~~he Finally slept."He shouted happily but suddenly turned around to look at me and seokwoo.

"Oh.You are here too.losers."He laughed and knelt in front of me.

"I thought you might just give up after I took your jaeyoon away.But seems like you even Made tae tae help you!"He blinked flirtly.

tae tae?

_ He wasn't taeyang.was he? _

He turned his head and stared at seokwoo.

seokwoo was his the one who he was looking for.

I understood.

"You.."Taeyang stood in front of him and bent his head to see seokwoo's face clearly.

"Wanna die?"Taeyang asked with smile.

I had to stood up but I didn't really needed.

Seokwoo knew how to deal with him.

I didn't expect seokwoo's fist goes up.

I was waiting for his fist to land on taeyang's face but it never happened.

"Maybe Taeyang be easy to be kicked but I'm not.Seokwoo-ah."He smiled.

I looked at seokwoo's wrist in taeyang's hand.

I was shocked.

He wasn't taeyang.that couldn't be him!!

"He might let you do whatever you want But I don't.You better stay fucking away."Taeyabg smirked and let go of seokwoo's fist.

I could swear taeyang was scary.

He wasn't weak anymore.

_ He wasn't the one who I wanted to protect. _

"But you know what?You're really handsome.you jerk."Taeyang laughed and put his hand behind seokwoo's neck.

** [Taeyang's Pov]: **

I opened my eyes.

My feet were trembly but The most important thing was seomthing which was happening in front of me.

Why my lips were on-

_ Seokwoo's lips? _

 


	6. I don't understand why he's doing this!

 

All I could say about his lips was that..They were soft.

I was on my toes to reach him and kiss him but..why?

I stepped back but my feet didn't obey me and I sat on the floor.

"Taeyang?"

I looked at inseong who was standing beside me.

why was he there?

Why did he care?

I wanted to know what was happening.

What happened after I called seokwoo coward?

He suppose to punch me or something but Why I kissed him?

I don't remember.

"What..happened?"I ask with a low voice but inseong hears and answers.

"Nothing."He smiles and makes me believe that nothing really happened.

I know something's weird but I don't say anything.

He helps me to get up and fixes my clothes.

we still had to go to eat dinner out.

But..

What's with seokwoo's glare?

**

Jaeyoon saw me once we entered the Highest floor of the restaurant.

I sat beside seokwoo.the way too close to him.

I can feel he doesn't like it but he doesn't reject.

Since We have to act like couples.

I wander why inseong has kept quiet.

Why doesn't he say anything?

"Hyun-"

"You did it on purpose.Didn't you?"jaeyoon cuts seokwoo's sentence.

Stupid.

of course it was on purpose.

"it wasn't."

when seokwoo answered quietly I looked at him.

wasn't it on purpose?

I didn't expect to see this situation.

why's seokwoo weak in front of his hyung?

jaeyoon doesn't care about him but why seokwoo loves him?

"It wasn't?My ass.You wanna fight huh?"jaeyoon hit his hand on the table.

I wasn't shocked since I was used to these sudden things.

But there was another person who was suffering but was still quiet.

inseong stood up and slapped jaeyoon as hard as he could.

well..i was expected it from him.

but jaeyoon's shocked face made me curious.

it was kind of weird.

"nice."I hummed and stared at them.

inseong was panting madly.

I never saw him mad.

I liked the kind and gentle inseong.

And his anger made me believe that 

_ Inseong loved jaeyoon so much. _

even tho I experienced it before but I guess being loved feels good.

I forgot what it feels now.

inseong and seokwoo care about jaeyoon but jaeyoon doesn't care.

why doesn't he want to admit?

"All I asked you was to eat a dinner peacefully."inseong whispered and turned around and left.

maybe we had to leave too.

I held seokwoo's sleeve and pulled him out with myself.

Inseong was hurt and I really didn't want to see him like that.

when seokwoo released himself I looked at him while my hands were still in the air.

I came to myself and turned my head away.

yeah.

I guess I didn't deserve to hold his hand.

I forgot about inseong.

Where did he go?

Jaeyoon must have had hurt him so badly that he disappeared like that.

My eyes..became dark again.

I hated that but I couldn't help and fell on the floor..I guess.

**

I open my eyes as I feel weakness.

I wanna sleep again but..what's this situation?

blood is everywhere..

I've worn a white and short cloth without any pants.

I'm cutting my..own wrist.

My eyes grow wide.

am I trying to kill myself?No.

this isn't it.

_ This isn't me. _

"stop..stop.."

I try to stop the blood rushing from the cut I had made on my wrist but I don't succeed.

is this the end?

Is my path ends here?

I'm not afraid of dying.I'm just afraid that..

_ No one wants me in the other world too. _

My hands lose their sensation.

I shiver.

I understand it now.

I understand how it feels to leave the world.

the door opens and someone walks in.

I look at seokwoo who has entered the room but stopped in front of me.

he doesn't look shocked.

Is he thinking I've done this to get rid of him?

I just stare at him.

I'm kind of happy.I feel happy that I can see him before I die.

I haven't been with him for a long time but I wish I could be more.

I hated him but I wanted to know him better.

maybe he wasn't that bad.

maybe his soul wasn't lying.

maybe he was just a little kid who was suffering.

a pair of hand grab me.

one under my knees and another under my neck and pull me up..

_ I'm in his embrace. _

I wanna ask him what he's doing but I don't have enough energy to do it.

his perfume..is nice.

I don't think I can ever forget it.

I wanna stare at him longer but..I can't.

"I'm..sorry."

all I can do is apologizing.

I don't know why I apologize but I hope he does.

He looks at me while he's walking toward the door of his house.

"you're not gonna die so don't be happy."

I like the way he says those words coldly.

it gives me hope.

I'm not happy that I'm dying.I still wanna live.

I wanna live to see what's happening in kim's family.

I wanna know what happens to inseong.

What happens to seokwoo.

I was sorry that I couldn't help him.

"Don't close your eyes."

it looks like he orders and he really does!

I wanna close them so bad.

I don't know what happens if I do.

but it doesn't look good.

I don't know if I die after closing my eyes or not so I don't.

I force my eyes to stay wide open since I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to lose this situation.

no one carried me before but seokwoo did it.

he hates me and I wonder why he's doing it.

so i need to stay alive.

I need to stay alive to know why he was trying to keep me alive.

oh wait..

I wanna live to prove something.

something that I never tried to prove before.

I was thinking that I'm a real trash but when I look careflly..

I wanna prove it to seokwoo.

I wanna prove that I'm not a trash.

inseong accepted me as who I really am.

so seokwoo should too.

seokwoo doesn't have to stare at me like a trash.

he must stop looking at me coldly.

I need a warm hug and I hope seokwoo gives me one.

since..

we are a couple.

_ aren't we? _

 


	7. Do you feel pity for him?

** [Flashback-Third person's POV]: **

"It's hard to make him sleep."

seokwoo turned his head to see taeyang who was stretching his hands.

he had been changed with taehyung.hadn't he?

it was hard to stand taehyung.

he had nothing in common with taeyang.

Taeyang was quiet and wouldn't fight back but taehyung..his other character..was a disaster.

he was the most annoying living thing in the world for seokwoo.

"oh!you're here too!!Seokwoo-ah~"Taehyung called and made seokwoo breaths out of exhaustion.

"Why don't you just leave his body?"Seokwoo asked.

taehyung stared at him shocked and then laughed suprised.

"What?You want me to leave my body?"

well..seokwoo wasn't thinking like taehyung.

taeyang owned that body but..he doubted it.

he was confused.

what if taeyang was the only one who took that body from taehyung?

but it didn't look like that.

taeyang was weak.

he had no harm so how could he do that?

"By the way.why are you trying to make me leave?You want him more?"Taehyung asked and leaned to the wall of the restaurant.

seokwoo was staring at him.

even when taeyang was holding a knife and cutting his own wrist.

"Yeah.I like him too."taehyung smirked and kept staring at the blood pouring on his skin.

"He does nothing against who tries to destroy him.but He's stupid.he prefers to be destroyed rather than destroy anyone."

taehyung let the knife down and walked out.

seokwoo just followed him.

where he wanted to go.Seokwoo wanted to know.

he wanted to know what he wanted to say about taeyang.

he was..interested.

"Wanna hear more?He has so much secrets tho."taehyung laughed and jumped from happiness.

he was noisy and seokwoo didn't like it.

he was noisier than seokwoo could handle.

"but you know..you're more stupid."taehyung suddenly stops and turns his head in a dangerous way.

his eyes..were dark and seokwoo knew that,that wasn't going to end well.

"You treated him like others.didn't you?You gave him the suffer that his uncle gave him.didn't you,kim seokwoo?"taehyung stepped forward and stopped in front of seokwoo.

"I thought you might be special at first but when I see now..you're no different."Taehyung laughed and shook his head.

seokwoo thought.

the suffer his uncle gave him..?

Then he was living with his uncle.

he could understand taeyang's past easily but..would taeyang tell him himself?

"Did I make you think so.much?Don't!"taehyung smiled and messed seokwoo's hair.

"taeyang is still more precious for me and he's special.Special things end and so is taeyang."taeyang looked at sky.

seokwoo didn't know what he was talking about.

he couldn't do anything to taeyang.could he?

he knew that he would die if taeyang died.

so again..taehyung could do nothing.

"he's suffered enough.I'll give him the end he's waiting for."taehyung whispered with a smile without taking his eyes from sky.

taehyung knew well.

he knew taeyang was looking for his end.

he knew taeyang was tired of running.

taeyang had enough.

taehyung loved his other character.

he was with taeyang since he had lost his parents.

he protected him so far.

he handled the pain taeyang couldn't handle.

he listened to taeyang everynight.

he screamed with him.

he helped him when he had hardship.

and now..it was time to give up.

_ They couldn never smile. _

"what about him?"

he looked at seokwoo when he heard his question.

"what do you think he thinks about you?"

it was hard to answer.

"he doesn't know I exist."taehyung hummed.

it was sad.

He was with taehang every second of his heart broken life but taeyang even didn't know he was living in him.

"have you ever tried to leave a message for him?"seokwoo asked again.

yeah.he did.

he tried.he left a message for taeyang but taeyang never noticed 'cause his uncle..is uncle..never left him alone.

"I did.I tried many times but everytime that fucking bastard hit taeyang and took him from me.That was..That was annoying!!"Taehyung yelled.

his hands were shaking.

he didn't want that.He didn't want taeyang to suffer.

but he did and he could do nothing about that.

"Everytime I tried to fight back but taeyang..got hit instead of me."taehyung laughed.

he wanted to cry.

Why did taeyang have to get hit for his words?

he just wanted to annoy taeyang's uncle but taeyang would wake up and get hit.

more and more.

"What he's done to be treated like this?"taehyung asked quietly.

"do you feel pity for him?"seokwoo stepped forward.

taehyung wondered.

did he really feel pity for taeyang?

of course he did!

"He was the only one who..accepted me."Taehyung whispered.

Yeah taeyang had been accepting him everytime he asked for his body.

even tho taeyang had no control on what he was doing but still..

it was a pity that taeyang didn't know that he existed.

Taehyung was accepted but how about..Taeyang?

Taeyang lost his parents and after that..

_ Taeyang never was loved again. _

"I feel pity for him."Taehyung stared at seokwoo.

He wanted to smile but he was scared.

scared of smiling with taeyang's lips.

he was feeling guilty.

"He accepted me but who's gonna accept him?"Taehyung smiled this time.

"you know.Inseong treated him well and you know how much it hurts for taeyang to see inseong treats everyone like that?but at least inseong tried.How about you seokwoo?"Taehyung laughed and turned around.

seokwoo didn't need to think about what taehyung said but he stopped.

he was always hearing that inseong was better than him.

he never tried after hearing that he wasn't good enough.

Was that a chance?

Could he..be the good guy at least for someone?

His heart started beating faster.

Taeyang had no one.

and he..he..

_ was worth to be loved. _

**

Taehyung sat on the floor while cutting his wrist with the knife which was in his hand.

he never hated taeyang even tho taeyang was stupid for him for some reason but still he loved him.

He was just giving him favor.

he was giving him the end that he always wanted.

"weren't you the one who wanted to know when your path was going to end?"Taehyung asked quietly.

maybe his parents accepted him in other world.

he was just getting rid of taeyang's pain.

**_ "Don't hate me taeyang-ah..Don't." _ **

 


	8. It's like a roller coaster

** [Taeyang's POV]: **

** "I'm sorry taeyang." **

I open my eyes unwillingly.

a white ceiling..

Am I dead?

"He's awake!!HE'S AWAKE!!"

I turn my head weakly to see who was shouting.

inseong was yelling and running around the room.

I understand that I'm still alive but..why?

I remember the promise I made with myself.

I promised to prove to seokwoo that I'm not a trash.

I don't care about the past anymore.

I don't care what was happening to me and why I wanted to kill myself.

I try harder.

I try as much as I can to make a better life.

I was done with this unfortunate life.

I need to change it.

I need to change myself and I believe that I can.

I sit on the white bed although I feel weakness filling my body.

"NO YOU SHOULD SLEEP."inseong holds my shoulders and make me sleep again.

I think..

where's seokwoo?

oh..

I wanted to know where was inseong before..why am I interested in knowing where seokwoo was?

The doctor came in after a moment and checked me.

Seokwoo left me here?

Ah..I don't wanna admit it.

He told me that I didn't have to be happy 'cause I wasn't going to die..

I was hopeful and wanted to see him but..where was he?

**

It's weird that the soul of the doctor is looking at me like that.

he seems normal but..he's not.

The way he's checking my pulse..

Feels just like my uncle's touch.

I get scared.

I can't even move.

He stops and stare at me with those eyes.

they're..scary..

I breath heavily as I feel he's getting closer.

No..

_ Help me.Please help me. _

I move back to keep our distance but he gets even closer.

"You're not able to escape."He smirks.

No one's here..

I'm sure I won't be able to live after this.

I can't handle again.

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid to kill him too.

_I'm afraid to kill him without any regret_.

his soul's not normal.

He has his tongue out while laughing quietly.

It freaks me out.

I hold my hands in front my face not to see him.

"Somebody please..help.."

I hum and maybe..my wish comes true.

someone holds me in his embrace.

I know his perfume.

I told you I never forget.

_ How seokwoo comes to be my guardian angel? _

His hands are on my shoulders and pats me like I'm safe in his embrace.

I wonder why..

Why he has came now.Did he hear me?

Is he here to help me?

He moves and I hear the doctor yells because of pain.

seokwoo's punching him and I'm not gonna stop him.

he deserve it.

I hold my hands around seokwoo's waist and hide my face in his shoulder.

I didn't fall this time.

there was a small light in my darkness and I could feel it.

Seokwoo holds my face and stares at me.

He's not looking at me like previous times.

there's something weird in his eyes and I kind of..

_ like it. _

"Did he do anything?"He asks and I just shake my head in reply.

he breaths out and keeps his cold gesture.

"I told you not to be happy that you stay alive."

his fingers go through my hair and pets me.

It's not anything special but my heart starts beating as fast as possible.

my eyes grow wide.

it feels strange.

I had exprienced it before..It's like..

_ my mom's petting me. _

I miss her..I miss to be petted by her.

but seokwoo's hand..

I can't think anymore.

my tears fall on my cheeks without I notice they even formed in my eyes before.

I'm crying.

Seokwoo stops.he might think I hot hurt.

I have to stop but..I can't.

I wanted to keep his hand.it felt like my mom was in front of me and it..hurt.

I try to wipe them.it's embarrassing to cry in front of him.

but he doesn't care as much as I do.

he drags me in a cuddle again and let me cry.

Who knew I needed somewhere to cry freely?

I never thought I finally find it in someone who I hate.

I was thinking that..my life is like a roller coaster.

I fall evertime that I want to keep going and then..I'll be damaged.

but this time is different.

I feel like I've found someone to like.

_ I feel like..I'm not gonna suffer anymore.. _

__

**

"You didn't have the right to beat one of our doctors,Mr.kim seokwoo."

The boss of the hospital says and makes me more nervous.

it was because of me that seokwoo kicked him.

he shouldn't have been blamed.

"I-"

I try to speak and confess that it was me who was the reason for all of this but seokwoo holds my hands to make me stay quiet.

"if you were me you'd kick him to death if he commited sexual harrasment."seokwoo replied coldly.

well he was right..

the room became quiet for a while before the boss of the hospital starts again.

"What's the prove of that?"

I knew it.

But I saw a CCTV there.Did it record?

should I say it?

seokwoo stares at me while petting my hand in his hand to tell me it was ok.

yeah..I should tell them..

I don't want seokwoo to be blamed just bevause he saved me.

but again..nothing comes out of my mouth.

"Then he has the right to sue."the boss says and strangely It pisses me off.

"There..was a CCTV."I say loud enough for them to hear.

but something stuck in my head.

_ Did I really was worth to be protected by him like that? _

__

**

We finally survived and it was proved that the doctor did that a few times before too and then he got fired.

I was following seokwoo to nowhere and thinking about saying how thankful I was.

I was about to do that but he openned the door of his car for me to sit.

I nodded quietly and sat then he closed the door and sat on his seat after that.

the atmosphere in the car was quiet.

I was wondering why he was driving himself.

"Thank you-"

both of us suddenly said together and became shocked but didn't say anything.

"you were brave."he hummed and drove to his house.

"I had to do it."I bit my bottom lip and stared at my leg.

"thank you for..saving me."I whispered.

"I had to."

_ What?- _

"But-"

he cut me.

_ "I decided it a few hours ago.To be the only one who stays by your side." _

 


	9. But I do now!

He wanted to..stay by my side?

How did he come up with that?

He wasn't going to do that.He wasn't.

"Why?"I asked.

I wasn't special at all.

I didn't deserve to be loved.

I was afraid if..if he got hurt like others who were near me.

"I want to."He answered.

He tought he satisfied me but he didn't.

I couldn't accept that just because he wanted to!

"I'm ok with what's happening now so Don't."I said quietly.

Yeah..it was better not to involve him.

I didn't want to be brave again.

I didn't want him to get into a fight because of me again.

"You asked for help.didn't you?"

I did.

I was going to kill myself if he had touched me and I was thankful that he saved me but still..

I didn't need his help.

I was alone in the world and I could live further.

"I'm not asking you to hide behind me.I just want you to learn how to save yourself when I'm not around."

He wasn't bad at all.

He was just acting like he was but his heart wasn't.I could feel it.

"I hate it."

oh..I finally said it.

I don't remember saying that I hated something since I was in my uncle's house.

"Why don't you stop acting like that?You're just usuing me against jaeyoon so why you care about me?"I asked while trying to control my voice.

"Hyung doesn't like you."

I guessed it right.

but still..why did he care about me?

"I do care about you 'Cause if I don't,nobody else does."

Was he saying something that I knew before?

Was he saying that no one loved me?

it was hilarious.

it was a fact but it seemed unreal to believe.

"He said You accepted him and now..You're accepted."

"As taehyung wants."

** [Flashback]: **

"You piece of shit!!say that again and I'll kick your ass!!"

_ I don't remember. _

I was going to die under his beats.

I didn't remember saying anything but he was mad.

he was mad at me for something I didn't.

I was apologizing as much as I could to be forgiven but it wasn't enough.

I knew I was dying.

** "Kill him." **

my eyes became dark as I stood up.

I had to..Kill him.

he didn't deserve living.

But..

I knew it.

_ I knew that the one who wanted to kill him wasn't me. _

__

I knew it well and yet I continued.

I Noticed that before.

something was steange but I didn't think anymore.

I held the knofe which was near the table.

It was about time.

_ I had enough. _

~~ "Don't taeyang-ah." ~~

I stopped as someone called my name.

a familiar voice.

_ Dad? _

Something was forcing me to do it but Something else was stopping me at the other side.

my uncle punched me and I fell on the floor.

I was wrong.

I had to do it.Why did I listen to my dad?

Why did I think that he still wanted my best?

I smiled sadly.

__

_ I was all alone..I was scared.. _

** [The end of Flashback]: **

****

Taehyung..

I hear this name so much these days.

Who's taehyung that looks like me?

** [Third person's POV]: **

Seokwoo stopped the car and finally noticed taeyang was staring at him.

he looked weird.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"seokwoo asked and made taeyang blink slowly.

"I wasn't expecting you to tell him that you wanna be by his side."

seokwoo got shocked but breathed out coldly after that.

Taehyung was back.

"Why don't you just let him live by himself?You almost killed him."seokwoo whispered and stared at in front of him.

"Why?You're worried about him?it was better for him."Taehyung smirked.

he knew himself.

Taeyang would get mad at him but he had no choice.

He didn't want him to suffer.

it was all for his best.

"Huh?Better for him?You freaked him out!"Seokwoo turned his head and looked at taehyung.

taehyung admitted that seokwoo was right but seokwoo knew nothing about how much taeyang was suffering.

He had no right to worry about taeyang when he didn't know him more than taehyung.

"I know I did.I just wanted to end it."

Taeyang was suffering and it was just a pain to see taeyang like that.

"Do you really think taeyang wanted it too?"seokwoo asked and disgusted taehyung.

"You know nothing."taehyung hummed.

"I know everything-"

"YOU KNOW WHAT?YOU THINK YOU DO BUT YOU DON'T AT ALL.YOU WEREN'T THERE TO SEE HOW MUCH TAEYANG WAS IN PAIN.HOW MUCH HE SUFFERED.HOW MUCH HE WANTED TO KILL HIMSELF AND HIS FUCKING UNCLE.YOU KNEW IT?BULLSHIT.YOU JUST PRETEND LIKE OTHERS KIM SEOKWOO.YOU HURT HIM TOO."Taehyung was shouting without him knowing.

He was going to tell everything just to make seokwoo feel guilty about what he had done and he hoped that it works.

"I slept with jaeyoon and when taeyang woke up and you stared at him like he was nothing but a piece of shit I..I wanted to kill you too.Just like what I did to his uncle."

Taehyung could remember that day.

the day that he killed taeyang's uncle and when taeyang saw his own bloody hands..

suprisingly taeyang wasn't as shocked as he think he would be.

taeyang didn't regret.

"you made him believe that he's a murderer?"seokwoo asked quietly.

Taehyung didn't know why seokwoo cared that much.

he didn't have to but he did care.

maybe seokwoo really liked taeyang.

no doubt taeyang was lovely even tho he was quiet.

and taehyung would be happy if someone was by taeyang's side.

he would be thankful that someone could accept taeyang too.

"I just did What he wanted and it wasn't like he cared so much."taehyung closed his eyes.

"He cared."Seokwoo hummed without noticing taehyung was gone.

he looked at the sleeping boy beside him and continued watching his peaceful face.

He couldn't even imagine how taeyang was feeling after seeing his bloody hands.

He petted taeyang's black hair.

He had to protect him more.

_ He was still a kid. _

 


	10. Stay

** [Taeyang's POV]: **

I opened My eyes to see seokwoo who was looking at in front of him.

Was I in his embrace?

I kept staring at him until he put me on a soft bed.

I pretended like I was alseep.I've no idea if he believed or not but he breathed out.

He wanted to step back but I didn't let his neck go.

I held my hands around his neck as tight as I could and kept him on the top of me.

I just didn't want to.

I wanted to know why he wanted to stay by my side.

I wanted to know many things and I was sure that I wouldn't let him go until I get my answer but when he touched my hand I let him go.

easily.

I was just sorry for myself for being weak.

"So you wanna talk."he hummed and sat on the chair which was beside the bed.

_ Smart. _

I opened my mouth slowly.

I had to talk with him.it was what I wanted of course.

"you said taehyung wanted you to stay by my side."I stared at him and waited for him to confirm but he never did but I didn't give up and yet I continued.

"I'm good with the life I have right now but You and him..I don't know him but the way you and jaeyoon talk about him,he must be someone important that looks like me.I'm good with everything so you don't need to pretend to stay by my side or whatever it is."

I tried to explain as fine as I could but still I didn't know if I was succeeded or not.

"I'm trully fine so-"

he cut me by petting my hair.

it felt..nice.

"I never said you aren't fine without me."

his hand was moving softly but his eyes..

scared me.

I wasn't feeling bad unlike what I was seeing in his eyes.

"I'm doing it 'cause I don't want you to end up like me."he whispered and a little small stuck on his lips.

he was all fine.

he looked like the one whom judge people soon but he wasn't actually like that.

he was nice to me.

_ He let me cry in his embrace as much as I wanted! _

I should've cried even for my parents death there but I was afraid to make him tired.

I just didn't want to lose him.

I needed a shelter to keep me safe from everything.

even tho he would leave me too if he knew I was a murderer.

What could I tell him?

Sorry that I killed my uncle just because he raped me and kicked me to death.

I was dangerous.What if he ended up dying too?

what if I killed him?

"You pretend too.Your coldness is not real."I hummed.

I didn't care if he was shocked or not.

I could see his soul and It was all that mattered.

the coldness he was trying to show wasn't real.

"You're scared."

I sat and put my hand on his knee and tried to see his face in the darkness of the room.

The little kid which was his soul was screaming.

He was crying and asking help but..no one helped him.

"The reason why you wanna avoid jaeyoon is that you're scared of him?"I asked.

he put his hand on my hand and answered in a low voice.

"He just doesn't see me as his real brother.I tried too hard to be good enough but still..still.."

He couldn't continue.

I knew how he felt.He was damaged inside.

I knew what that little kid meant.

I put my hand behind his head and embraced him.

maybe he wasn't as tough as he was showing.

maybe he was even weaker than me.

Maybe he needed to be protected too..

_ I was going to protect him even if I couldn't protect myself. _

The warmth of his body calmed me.

I guess he needed that cuddle too.

He lovked his fingers around my waist and leant his forehead to my shoulder.

I wished that little kid could smile at least when he was in my embrace.

He was wandering around too much..It was time to stay witht he one who cared.

I smiled.

_ "I do care..from now on." _

**

I slept for 3 hours with seokwoo between my arms but I was awake now.

he still hadn't been woken up.

I started petting his soft hair as I was bored.I knew.

_ He was awake. _

I could feel it but I didn't say anything.

I always thought that I was the only one who needed someone to be by my side but when I looked closer I understood that seokwoo needed it too.

I could be that one for him and he could be one for me.

"Aren't you tired of petting my hair?"He asked quietly and made me smile.

I wasn't.it was the first time I was petting someone tho.

"I'm not."I answered shortly and continued what I've been doing.

it felt good that I was feeling comfortable near him.

"I have to go to the company."

he was working?Why didn't I know that?

"Ok..ay.."I nodded and took away my fingers from his soft hair.

I didn't want to but I had to.

He got up and checked himself in the mirror before looking at me again.

"I'll come back at 6PM so don't go out alone."

Wait..is he worried about me?

"why?Are you worried?"I stared at him devily and lifted my lips up a bit.

"Maybe."He replied without caring so much.

I was glad that he was worried about me since I never experienced it after my parent's death again.

"Don't you know where inseong is?I haven't seen him for a long time."I pouted.

He shook his head and left the room.

maybe he knew but didn't want to tell me.

I didn't know the reason but I wouldn't go after seokwoo if he didn't want to tell me.

I wanted to know if jaeyoon did anything to inseong or not but how could I know?

I stood up and walked down the stairs.

I asked every single maid who were in seokwoo's house if they knew about inseong but none of them saw inseong for a long time.

I sat on the stairs disappointed and leaned my head to the bars of the stairs.

I had to ask seokwoo but what if he didn't answer again?

He wouldn't.

I stood up and walked to the door of the house.

he told me not to leave alone but..

I had to know what was happening to inseong.

it wasn't important if seokwoo got mad or not.

I left the house but stopped as soon as I saw the guardian dogs.

They looked wild.I was scared.

I know inseong was more important than being afraid of those dogs but I couldn't help.

I just couldn't move.

_ Why didn't seokwoo..come back? _

 


	11. He's here

I opened my eyes slowly.

I went back home before the dogs Bite me.I remember all of them.

And I remember I slept after coming back to my room so why I felt like I had fever when I haven't been out even for an hour?

I turned my head to see the boy who was asleep beside me and folding in himself.

a scared soul..

_ inseong? _

I looked at him shocked.

His injured face..it wasn't good.It wasn't good at all.

"i..inseong??"I called his name in fear and sat to shake him.

"I..didn't mean to..wake you up.."he muttered and shivered from cold.

I was afraid..of losing him.

I knew it wasn't right to think about anything else that moment but I thought about seokwoo.

Would I feel like that if I see seokwoo's injured face?

_ Would I afraid of losing him? _

I noticed inseong when he fall in my embrace weakly.

he was passed out and that scared me more.

I started shaking him and begging him to wake up.

"please..please wake up.."

I wasn't jaeyoon.I wish I were but I wasn't.

I couldn't piggyback him.I wasn't that strong.

the door opened and someone apeared in the doorway.

as I guessed.Guardian angel,seokwoo.

He stepped forward and shook inseong worried.

I never saw him worried like that.

that made me understand how much he cared about inseong.

he piggybacked inseong and took him out of the room.

I just followed him to wherever he wanted to go.

I followed him aimlessly,thinking about myself.

Is there anyone to worry if I pass out?

_ probably not. _

**

He was taken to one of VIP rooms.

I didn't know seokwoo was that rich but he was.

I didn't see seokwoo since they put inseong on the bed.

I was worried too but I thought it was better to keep quiet.

To not think about what I had done.

I wasn't the one who had to be blamed but I was blaming myself because of him.

I didn't know why I felt like this.

I heard footsteps getting close and closer.

I didn't dare to look up.

everything was scary.

the dark hallway..I was in the center of the hallway standing there waiting for what Wanted to happen.

I closed my eyes as I felt his hand was going up.

I was going to be slapped.

I was used to be blamed for being an idiot.

he wanted to do that too.

I was being dragged in his embrace and then..

I understood what real life meant.

My eyes were widened while feeling seokwoo's hand was patting my shoulder.

I didn't mean to but my eyes filled with tears.

"Are you ok?"He asked and caused the first tear falls on my cheek.

Why did he want to know about my condition?

"I'm..not."I answered.

Maybe I lied.I was ok but honestly..I wasn't..

I needed his attention.I wanted to know what he would do if he knew I wasn't good.

he went back.I didn't want him to look at my teary face but he was already staring at it.

He wiped my tears gently and kissed my eyes.

I hoped none of them was just a dream.

it was sweet.

I hoped I wasn't just being played.

**

we were still there waiting for the doctor to come out.

I had been sitting beside seokwoo and was checking him if he wanted to sleep or not.

by the way where was jaeyoon?

As soon as I thought about him he showed up and looked at every single room carefully.

He saw us.

walked toward us and without asking anything he grabbed my collar.

Was he thinking I was the reason of that situation?

"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM?"he shouted.

seokwoo put his hand on jaeyoon's hand.

I didn't want that.

I didn't want him to fight with jaeyoon too because of me.

"I did nothing."I hummed and stared at him without showing any emotion.

"he came to me 'cause he had no one else.You pushed him away too.didn't you?"I asked.

I didn't care if he became mad or something.

I was just telling the truth.

"that happened to him 'cause you weren't brave enough to confess what you were feeling."I groaned and pushed his hand away.

I was back.

the real taeyang was back.

I was feeling better after showing courage.

I didn't remember fighting back against anyone when I was in my uncle's house.

but now..

I was standing in front of jaeyoon.

staring into his eyes dangerously.

before I eat him with my eyes the doctor came out and told us that we could see him.

we went in and looked at inseong who was laying on the white bed.

it was strange to see him in that situation.

it was all because of jaeyoon-

I stared at jaeyoon.

His tears..

wait.

did inseong make jaeyoon cry?

"Hyung..inseong hyung.."Jaeyoon stepped forward and hugged inseong who was half awake.

oh..inseong was his hyung.

It was beautiful to watch them but seokwoo hold my hand and I couldn't continue watching.

"It's the time to go back home."he whispered.

he had been tired and I understood him if he just wanted to see how was inseong.

I nodded and with a glance we left there.

That day was so weird.

I was seeing new things.

Seokwoo didn't blame me and kissed my eyes.

Jaeyoon cried because of inseong.

what was more?

we didn't talk until we arrived at home and then he disappeared.

I went to my room without asking him where he went.

We were shocked so Being alone was better for both of us.

I laid on the bed as I was thinking about what happened earlier.

I wanted to know what happened to inseong.

what did he do to deserve to be injured like that?

Did he get hit for nothing like me?

At least he knew how it felt like.

_ He knew what being misfortunate meant. _

 


	12. I don't like it

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	13. Nothing left

I smile.

Yeah.I just keep smiling to hide the pain I feel inside my chest.

_ "because I've already lost everything I had." _

I had nothing left.

I was scared the world takes seokwoo from me.

I didn't want to hurt anymore.

I didn't want to love anymore but I couldn't help.

I couldn't help but fall for him more.

I was drowning.

He wasn't telling me that everything was going to be all right.

He wasn't stopping me from loving him.

He held my shoulders and made me look at him.

"Look at me.I have no parents and even my hyung doesn't want me.Do you think I have nothing?"he asked.

"you're wrong."I whispered.

"You don't know what killing someone means..Did you kill your parents?Did you kill your uncle?I did it all!!"

I was going crazy.I was laughing while tears were falling on my cheeks.

I felt like someone was laughing inside me and was mmaking me want to laugh too.

"I killed them all and I still do it with more people if they stop me-"

My sentence cut with a pair of warm lips.

Kissing him back was the only prove showed that I was still in this world.

I wasn't dead when I could still feel he was around.

I couldn't die yet.

he broke the kiss and stood up and that caused me to fall on the floor.

I wasn't hurt since seokwoo's hands were holding me.

he fell with me and hold me tight.

I leaned my forehead to his shoulder while breathing fast and staring at an unknown thing with my dead eyes.

I told him that I had killed my parents.

What would he think about me?

that I was a killer?

a murderer who didn't care if he was killed himself?

"I'm just..afraid..to lose you.."

I closed my teary eyes.

I was afraid to kill him too.

a kiss landed on my neck and made me open my eyes.

"Don't be.You can't harm me as far as you're alive."He said.

that made me happy.I really didn't want to hurt him.

but what was with that feeling?

_ Why do I feel safe? _

**

_ 'He's so Handsome-' _

I was watching him while he was working and signing the cases with his usual cold gesture.

I was just sitting there,looking at him like a potato.

Everytime his secretary walked in she was staring at me like she was definitely going to kill me if seokwoo wasn't in room.

I didn't really care 'cause I would fight to have seokwoo.

"Lets go."Seokwoo suddenly stood up and wore his coat and held a overcoat which was on the couch in his office.

so he was done.

I stood up as well and followed him out.

"Why didn't you wear any warm cloth?it's cold out there."He said while we walked out together.

I didn't reply.I was in a hurry so I didn't care that I hadn't been wearing any thick cloth.

"I wasn't thinking it might be this cold.."I answered quietly and kept my head down.

He breathed out as he heard my answer.

He stepped forward and put his overcoat on my shoulders like a gentleman.

My cheeks..coloured red.

Why did he done that?He had to keep that for himself.

I was shocked from what he did but when he held my hand I got shocked more.

"lets go now.Lets eat something warm and visit inseong."

he was just like a kid.so soft..

the little kid that was his soul was smiling happily.

Oh I forgot to tell him that I could see people's soul.

What would be his reaction if he finds out?

I nodded and we walked toward his car.

I was wondering what we wanted to eat but I knew I was excited about the next scedule.

Visiting inseong in hospital!

"Here."

I looked at seokwoo who was holding a hot corn dog in front of me.

how long have I been in my thoughts?

I accepted it and with a thank you I started eating.

I liked it.

it tasted like before.

It was even better when I was eating it with seokwoo.

"There's sauce around your lips."He said and held my face and started wiping it for me.

I was quiet while he was wiping the sauce.

Why did that make my heart flutter?

it wasn't anything special but I felt like my temperature webt high.

"Why are you staring at me like this?Don't say you expect me to wipe it with my tongue."He smirked shocked.

"no."I replied fast and held my face out of his hand and sat quietly.

It could be so weird if he did.

"Come here."He put his hand behind my neck and held me close and our lips met.

his lips were so warm..

I closed my eyes and drowned in the kiss although it wasn't a kiss.

I didn't know about him but I felt weird that he was licking the sauce on my lips.

He held his head back and smiled.

"Lets go to the hospital now."

Oh..I forgot about inseong for a moment.

Seokwoo made me forget about what I was excited about.

**

"Taeyang-ah~~"

inseong shouted happily as soon as he saw me.

I smiled and hugged him and tried to be careful not to hurt him.

"You having fun here?"Seokwoo asked jokingly.

"yeah you should try too."inseong laughed.

I didn't want seokwoo to be in hospital even if inseong was joking.

I pouted and stared at my feet.

"No thanks."

Seokwoo locked his hands together around my shoulder and leaned me to himself.

"Jaeyoon cried when he saw you like this.Don't ever do that."

Even I got a heart attack.

inseong kept quiet and he was kind of..shocked?

"Did he?I haven't seen him since that night we fought."inseong said.

was that even possible?

"then you must meet him.I had never seen him like that."seokwoo said seriously.

Inseong didn't reply.

I knew he must have been thinking if he had to go and see him.

"Maybe it's better if I never see him again."he said in a low voice.

Could they handle not seeing each other?

"Go."I smiled.

"I think he's still upset with you."I reminded and made him think more.

"Should I go?"He asked himself and stood up as fast as he could.

how fast could he decide?

we all ran out to the counter.

He had to go.

_ What love could do was so sweet. _

 


	14. Can't sleep

We got on seokwoo's car after he paid the hospital's debut.

inseong was stressed.

I could feel he couldn't stay still.

"everything's gonna be fine."I put my hand on his shoulder and smiled.

He stared at me without saying anything.

I know it was hard to believe what I was saying.

Nothing was going to be all right.

we got off as soon as we arrived at jaeyoon's house.

we were running but inseong was slower.

maybe he didn't want to see jaeyoon that soon.

we found jaeyoon in his room,thinking so deeply while drinking wine.

he looked awful.it was about time.

inseong had to go and save jaeyoon from that situation.just like stories.

seokwoo and I stayed out of the room and inseong entered.

"jaeyoon-ah."He called and made jaeyoon to look at him.

he was shocked when he noticed inseong.

I don't know why but I was stressed too.

I hadn't been feeling anxious like that for a long time.

what was happening to me?

"Why are you here?"Jaeyoon asked coldly.

I understood.Seokwoo was acting like his hyung.

cold but still sweet.

"I hadn't enough courage until now but I'm here to confess."inseong hummed.

"I don't need to hear your stupid confesstion."jaeyoon laughed suprised.

he was just ruining it.

he had to let inseong finish-

I stopped thinking when inseong held jaeyoon's wrists and pinned him to his work table.

i guess it was the most shocking thing I experienced during that day.

jaeyoon could do nothing in that position.

oh..don't tell me he was weaker than inseong?

that couldn't be but it seemed like that.

"But you hear."inseong..ordered?

yes.

"This is getting interesting."seokwoo whispered behind me.

I looked at him a bit and saw him leaning to me while watching what was going on in front of him.

I turned my head again and tried not to move so much so my body wouldn't touch his.

"You ignored my feelings until now but you'll stop here.I won't let you be anyone's if you're not mine."inseong said seriously.

jaeyoon couldn't answer him and just stared at him,mouth opened.

inseong used that situation and leaned closer and kissed the younger.

I held my hands in front of my eyes as soon as I saw them like that.

Honestly they could make a cute couple but still I couldn't watch.

seokwoo turned me around and held my hands while dragging me me out with him.

ah that was embarrassing.even seokwoo noticed I couldn't watch they kiss.

When I became to myself seokwoo was petting my hair.

"You did well."he smiled.

I knew what he meant.but actually I hadn't been trying so hard to make inseong go to jaeyoon.

I smiled back and held my head down.

"You must be tired.lets eat something and then go back home."seokwoo said and locked his fingers between mine and walked toward the car.

I looked at our hands.I wasn't locking my fingers between his.

I smiled slowly and locked my fingers against his fingers.

I was happy..so happy..

**

I was staring at the ceiling.

I didn't know how long I was doing that but it was still dark outside.

was seokwoo asleep?

I sat on my bed quietly and held the teddy bear which seokwoo had bought for me.

I didn't know when he bought it but I saw that the night before that.

I was glad that teddy bears didn't have soul or else I couldn't sleep all the night.

I breathed out and got up.

he bought it for me not to see nightmares but I couldn't sleep.

I walked toward seokwoo's room and entered.

I guess it was my first time entering there.it was so big..

I closed the door behind me and walked toward his king sized bed.

_ Sorry for disturbing your dream but I can't sleep. _

__

_I laid beside him_ and pulled his blanket on my body and stared at his handsome face in the weak light of the room.

His soul was asleep too.I wanted to pet that little kid..

I started petting seokwoo's hair gently.

I was wishing not to wake him up but he suddenly opened his eyes and held my neck tight.

I was shocked but his fingers held back and he said a sorry under his breath.

"no.I'm sorry for coming in all of a sudden.I couldn't sleep.."I whispered and teied to control my tears.

even if he did that for protection but still I didn't like his reaction.

"come on.I apologized."

he spread his arms and waited for me to place myself between his arms.

I leaned forward and did what he wanted.

"want me to sing you lullaby?"he joked and made me frown childish.

"no."I replied and made him nod quietly.

"Why don't you ask about my past?"I asked after a while.

it was weird that he wasn't curious about my life.

"I wanted you to get ready and tell me yourself."he answered.

I smiled a bit.

he was unexpectable.

"I don't want to lose you."I hummed quietly,trying so hard that he doesn't hear.

"You're not.I'll stay with you for whatever it is."he said and proved that he heard what I said.

he wasn't going to do that.

he wasn't going to make me feel less guilty.

but I had to tell him.I told him before.

I told him that I killed my uncle and my parents.

but the power I had..

I was scary.No matter how strong he was.he wasn't going to stay by my side if he knew that.

"The world took everything I had but gave me something in return.I can see humans' soul."I said.

It wasn't something that I could proud of.

it was scarier than it showed.

"seems fun."he said shocked.

he didn't have the reaction I expected but still I knew he was controling himself not to run away.

"what do you see in me?what my soul looks like?"he asked and started playing with my hair.

"that's what I wanna know."I closed my eyes and whispered my last sentence before falling asleep.

"I wanna know why a weird sad kid is your soul."

 


	15. Kill

it's been a week since I told him my secret and unlike others he wasn't thinking about me as an psycho.

I couldn't show him what I could see but he still believed me like that.

He was trying to comfort me since he knew no one ever did that.

I always tried to hide my pain but by being with seokwoo..

_ I didn't need to. _

I didn't need to act like I was fine when I wasn't.

I didn't need to act like someone else in front of him.

I believed that..I had someone to be be my side.

"Taehyung-ah."

I turned around as I heard a familiar name.

why was jaeyoon in front of me?

"I'm not taehyung."I said in a low voice and turned around my head but he held my wrist.

I could feel how strong he was.but still was weaker than inseong.

"I don't care about your name.I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."he hummed and let go of my hand.

he had to be more honest if he wanted to apologize.

but since he was seokwoo's hyung I would forgive him.

"but it's not important if you don't accept my apologize.You're not anything more than a toy.a sexy one."

oh..he was calling me a toy after sleeping with me huh?

did he want to mention that to make me upset?

to see what I would feel after hearing that?

Well,he'd better be happy 'cause he made me feel like hell.

I had never been a toy.maybe others used me as they wanted but I couldn't admit that myself.

I never wanted to sleep with anyone with my own permission.

** [Flashback]: **

I leaned to the wall which was behind the door.

I was hiding and holding my ear to not hear the girl that was screaming my uncle's name.

it was disgusting.I was shivering from cold and hugging my knees,wishing it would finish sooner.

she stopped screaming and I heard the door opened.

I looked up to see my uncle who was smirking at me.

he knew how to suffer an off guard boy.right?

he grabbed me by my hair and dragged me to the hall.

I was shouting from pain and begging him to stop.

he didn't.

he didn't mind me and just sat on my stomach and made me stop breathing as I felt his weight.

he got rid of my hoodie and stared at my body.

it could't happen.

"Please..please.."I begged but at the end I just got slapped.

his heavy hand made me lose my sense and get dizzy.

I didn't know what was happening.

** "You weak idiot." **

I could hear someone talking to me inside but I didn't listen.I couldn't stand in front of him so what was the use of fighting?

** [The end of Flashback]: **

I looked at him but then his phone rang.

I walked toward him slowly..to choke him or something but I stopped when he hummed seokwoo's name.

What's with him?

"You mean you got seokwoo?"He asked coldly.

who got seokwoo?Was he being kidnapped?

I looked at jaeyoon with wided eyes.

that couldn't be.

inseong said seokwoo was dangerous.

He knew how to fight!no one could kidnap seokwoo!

"just stay there you piece of shit."jaeyoon groaned and hung up.

"Did they..kidnap him?"I asked quietly.

I hoped that wasn't true.

"None of your business you slut."He whispered and turned around to leave but I held his collar and made him face me.

"I'm not gonna stand what nickname you give me so don't fucking talk to me like that."I said and tried to look mad.

"stay the hell away.I'll be going alone."He frowned and pushed my back and walked toward the door of the house.

I wanted to see seokwoo was all right.

I wanted to see him healthy.

I followed jaeyoon without he knows and got on the car as he did.

"W-Why-"

"I'm going with you."I said seriously and made him become quiet.

"so you wanna die.as you wish."he hummed and started the car and drove like a phyco.

I didn't dare to tell him to go slower and honestly I didn't want to even tho I was scared.

I didn't know where we were going but I was getting myself ready for anything.

anything but seeing seokwoo's injured face.

I couldn't stand that.

we got off as soon as we arrived at an old factory.

it was like dramas.

I started thinking about seokwoo while I was following jaeyoon inside.

was seokwoo scared?

was he hoping that i would go and help him?

ah that couldn't be..

he was thinking that I was weaker than him so he would never think of me to save him.

"you stay here."jaeyoon ordered and stepped forward before I could complain.

I would go and help seokwoo without caring about what jaeyoon said but I still had to wait.

"You came I see."

I saw the kidnapper.oh..he was..familiar..

** [Flashback]: **

"But I wanna stay.."I pouted and stuck to seokwoo more.

I didn't want him to kick me out of his company just because he didn't want me to make trouble.

"I swear I would keep you here to stay with me but you can't.I see you at home.okay?"He asked.

he was looking at me the way that i couldn't reject.

I finally nodded and turned around and left unwillingly.

I wanted to stay with him and watch him while he was working but he knew something that he was telling me to leave.

I knew that it was for my best.

I breathed out and stared at the guy who was going to enter his office.

that seemed..weird.

I couldn't see his soul.this was the most weird thing i had ever seen.

I could see everyone's soul but it had no effect on him.

he looked at me and walked toward me and passed but..

I felt strange.

That's how it felt?The one who I couldn't see his soul?

I felt heavy and my energy was gone.

I slipped down on the floor and leaned to the wall while staring at the ceiling dizzily.

Did he..do that?

That couldn't be.Maybe I was sick or something.

yeah that was it.I shouldn't had though negatively.

I stood up and left there by leaning to the wall.

I hoped that I never see him again.

** [The end of the Flashback]: **

he was kicking jaeyoon,using his power by making jaeyoon weak.

He was strong.He could kill jaeyoon.

I didn't like jaeyoon but that didn't mean to let him die.

seokwoo loved his hyung.

I stepped forward without he knows and hit him on his neck by a wood which had been falling there.

It didn't effect him as much as I thought it would.

he turned his head and stared at me and made me shiver.

he couldn't gave me the same feeling like he did that time..could he?

He let go of jaeyoon's neck and that made jaeyoon fall on the floor.

He walked toward me.

With every step of him I took a step.

My feet weren't obeying me anymore.

like..I was losing my consiousness.

** "Sleep Taeyang." **

** [Taehyung's POV]: **

He did what I said.

I stood up and stared at the guy which was in front of me.

his power had no effect on me.

I was just another taeyang's personality.

"Take it bitch."I punched him and made him fall.

"No one told you not to play with whoever is younger than you?"I asked while pushing my foot on his head.

"before I forget..Don't ever touch his man."

yeah.seokwoo wasn't mine.

he was taeyang's lover.

I would protect whoever taeyang loved.

I walked toward seokwoo and untied the rope and looked at his bloody lips.

not serious injuries but taeyang would be worried just by seeing his bloody lips.

I breathed out and put one of seokwoo's arm around my shoulder to help him stand on his feet.

"We have to go lee jaeyoon."I reminded and made jaeyoon stand up slowly.

he was ok too but his neck was marked but that guy's fingers.

"behind..you.."

I looked at seokwoo who was telling me somthing but I was late.

I got hit on my back by that guy and that made me fall on the floor and stop breathing because of the pain.

seokwoo was on the floor too..I was sorry that I made him fall but I didn't have time to apologize.

I got his on my face and that made me dizzy.

it was like I was seeing nightmare.

A nightmare about my uncle.

about how he was slapping me before He does that disgusting thing to me.

I couldn't stand that.

I dragged myself on the floor to reach something and hit him with that.

I didn't know if I grabbed something or not but that guy held my collar and smirked at me.

That wasn't going to end how what he wanted.

I stared at the piece of glass which was in my hand.

I couldn't kill someone for the second time.

Could I?

** "Game..over." **

__

I said it without I want.

_ Taeyang? _

** [Taeyang's POV]: **

I pushed the thing which was in my hand in his stomach.

he dare to touch my seokwoo.

He had to pay for what he had done.

he bowed with pain and fell on the floor.

_ I killed him. _

 


	16. The one I wanna protect

** [Seokwoo's POV]: **

****

I leaned my head to the window of the car while thinking about what I saw before I get on the car.

The blood was everywhere on the floor..

Taeyang passed out after stabbing him but I never understood how he felt.

Did he regret when he killed the guy?

I felt disgusted with imagining the blood.

I hadn't to feel disgusted But I did.

With imagining how my dad and hyung were kicking me,I felt even more disgusted.

"Are you ok?"

wasn't it the first time that jaeyoon was asking me that?

I didn't answer and kept staring out.

Taeyang was asleep on back seats but I hoped he were awake.

I wanted to cuddle him and believe that I had no worries with having him by my side.

I couldn't sleep there.could I?

Jaeyoon hyung couldn't piggyback me so I didn't have to sleep.

I didn't..have..

but I did.

**

** [Taeyang's POV]: **

****

Everywhere is white.

Where am I?Am I dead?

"Taeyang-ah."

I looked at someone who sat in front of me.

His pink hair that was on his eyes and had harmony with his black eyes.

Small nose and lips..

He was cute and familiar at the same time.

"Why didn't you let me do that?"He asked.

He seemed to know me.then why I didn't know him?

I kept staring at him until he continued.

"Why didn't you let me kill him myself?"

Oh..I remembered.

I killed someone!I killed whom kidnapped seokwoo.

I hated myself.not because I killed him..but because I didn't regret it.

"I wanted to do it."I answered quietly without taking my eyes off him.

I wanted to remember him too but I couldn't.

it was strange.

"I tried to protect seokwoo for you 'cause you couldn't do it yourself but why you..involved?"He asked coldly.

I didn't want that.

I didn't care about how others might had treat me but that boy..I wanted his attention.

I didn't want him to act coldly.

"I wanted to be tough."

all I could say was that.I needed power to protect seokwoo..the way he did to me.

"I see.good job."He smiled and sat on his knees and held me in his embrace.

I thought I would be bigger than him but I was small between his arms.

weirdly..

"I understand that you wanna be tought taeyang-ah..so let me help you."

He would protect me..

_ Like he always did.  _

**

I opened my eyes to see the black ceiling of seokwoo's room.

He was there,beside me.

laying in peace.

I believed that he was just a kid when he was sleeping like that.

I touched his cold cheek and made him move a bit and put his hand on mine.

I smiled quietly and kept staring at his beautiful face.

his beautiful face was illegal.

"are you done watching?"He asked and opened his eyes.

I held my hand back shocked but he held my hand and locked his fingers between mine.

I didn't answer.

I would like to look at him more but Stared at an unknown point pouting,to not look at his face.

I didn't want to be caught again.

I was worried about him but I could do nothing.

I saw his bloody lips before I pass out and I..I didn't know what to do..

but now..he was here with me..

he was here under the same blanket as mine..

I could feel the warmth of his body.

"Are you ok?"I asked quietly but got no answer.

he was just staring at me like I was going to leave him.

He was holding me like he had the thought of me feeling guilty for killing someone.

"I'm sorry that I'm not regreting..seokwoo hyung."

he was older than me,wasn't he?

it was my first time calling him but he had never been calling me.

sometimes I would forget what my name was.

but he..had a beautiful name too..

I became to myself when I felt his fingers were locking between mine more.

Don't tell me he was mad at me because I called him hyung?

"I'm..sorry for calling you hyung."

I was embarassed but it was late.

suddenly he cupped his hands around my face and made me look at him.

"You're doing it on purpose,aren't you?"he asked and left a peck on my lips.

"I don't want to do anything with you but you don't let me not to do it."he whispered.

Did I just..make him go crazy?

My heart beat so fast.

I was right..he was going crazy because of me!

but..but..Did he have any feelings for me?

Did he love me Like I did?

"Call me again."

Then he didn't hate it.

"Seokwoo hyung."I smiled shyly and bit my bottom lip since he was so close to me and was staring at me.

he let go of my face and put his hand on his heart.

"Oh my god.DON'T BE LIKE THAT!!"He said while trying not to yell.

that was so childish.

But I was..enjoying too.

he hugged me and started playing with my hair.

"I like the way you call my name."

he said and continued petting my hair.

I didn't reply and just hid my face in his chest.

being in his embrace was what I had been doing those days.

"I'm sorry that I killed someone."I whispered and leaned my head to his chest.

"it's ok."he said and made my heart beats fast.

I didn't expect that.

he could blame me like others.

he could leave but he didn't.

it was sad.I didn't deserve him.

"You're so good hyung..I wish I deserved you."I smiled bitterly.

I couldn't imagine living without him.he deserved to be with someone better.

I didn't have to enjoy his kisses with thinking about that he was someone esle's.

"You do."he said.

"You don't try to stick to me like others..you're cute.."he continued.

"but I stick to you."I said while trying so hard to control my tears.

"you do but in a cute way.I like it."

he kissed the top of my head.

I held my head up to look at him.

he was always kissing me.

I was wondering..how it felt to kiss him first?

I had done it once but again..I missed it.

I leaned closer and left a deep kiss on his cheek.

_ "Thank you for making me calm,seokwoo hyung." _

 


	17. I Love You

** "Look at me taeyang." **

I looked at the boy who's been sitting in front of me.

that was the cute boy again.

**"I see you're still in dilemma."** He said with a warm gesture.

"He's kind."I held my head down while whispering quietly.

**"besides being kind,he's stand with you with knowing that you can see his soul and the fact you're a killer."** he nodded and started playing with his fingers.

I had nothing to say.he was right.

seokwoo had been staying with me even with knowing that I was the most weird person on the earth.

** "he's loveable." **

I frown by hearing what he said.

I wanted the boy's attention but He didn't have to call seokwoo loveable!

**"Oh sorry!!Don't frown like that taeyangie~"** He laughed and ruffled my hair.

**"You remember to ask help when you wanted to protect him right?"** he asked and made me shook my head.

"I'm not gonna kill anyone anymore."

**"You are?I doubt if you actually let seokwoo stay alive."** he smirked.

"What You s-say.."I stood up and clenched my fist madly.

I was never going to kill seokwoo.

** But I was going to kill anyone who wanted to kill seokwoo. **

**

"hyung.hyung wake up."I shook him and started calling him.

he didn't answer and except answering he held me between his arms.

it felt nice.he was warm and I could feel relaxed in his embrace.

"Hyung you need to wake up."I reminded and locked my fingers between his.

"I don't want to."he whispered sleepy.

I breathed out as I heard what he said.

maybe it was better to let him sleep more.

I could sleep like that too..

_ "I love you." _

_ huh? _

_ "I love you,yoo taeyang." _

I stared at the bed.What did he say?

Did he..call my name?

Did he say that he loved me?

wait..that..can't be..

"Can you love me back taeyang-ah?"

before I notice my tears fell on his neck.

I did.I loved him too.

"hyung.."

"Don't say no."

he was impatient.

"call my name..again."I said.

he sat on the bed and made me sit with him.

"Marry me taeyang."he stared into my eyes.

was he out of mind?

of course he didn't love me that much to marry me.

"I'm being selfish if I do but I want you just for myself."

I looked at his eyes.

he was honest.He wasn't lying at all.

it hurt..

it hurt to see him falling for me..I didm't deserve him but..but..

what would happen if I would be selfish too and say yes?

I wanted him.

_ I loved him. _

__

I didn't want to see him with anyone.

I smiled without I want.I really needed him by my side..forever.

_ "I do,hyung." _

He didn't seem suprised.He smiled back and wiped his tears.

wait..

was he crying?

was that possible?was he crying because of me?

was he that happy?

I cupped my hands around his head and face and pulled him close and kissed his forehead deeply.

I didn't want to see him cry.I would kiss him everytime he wanted to cry.

I smiled and let go of him to stare into his eyes.

_ "I do love you too,seokwoo hyung." _

He knew that.didn't he?

he leaned closer and put his lips on mine.

I was happy.

I heard the boy's voice near my ear.

** "I'm happy for you." **

I smiled widely while thinking about the boy.

_ Thank you taehyung-ah..for everything. _

 

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be thankful if you could support me♡  
> Don't forget to leave comments and kudos~  
> Tw:@Fantaewoontasy  
> (if you want to get if about my fics)


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